Cool?

It´s almost unbearable, I feel so cool right now. You should see me. I’m sitting in the train from Berlin back to Switzerland. Unfortunately you can, in effect, not see me. Unless you were in the same train, in the immediate vicinity of seat 68 in coach 273 in the City Night Line from Berlin to Zurich on March 13 of the Year of the Pig* #. A few minutes ago I was wearing my newish jacket which makes me look like I’m actually intelligent and alternative but while I was writing the footnotes above I got a bit too hot and had to take it off (You should really read the footnotes, they’re usually the only thing worthy of reading in my ramblings as they contain bits of wisdom that would be in violation of the rest of my nonsensical text.). I’m drinking beers and was listening to Farin Urlaub a few minutes ago, now it’s Greenday. I’m wearing my AwesomeCap which makes the wearer (i.e. me) extremely cool and popular. The beer makes my breath smell manly in the “Yes, that’s damn right wife, I was out for a few beers with my friends. Now make me breakfast” manly way. I am also writing manly text messages to my friend because I am suffering from privation symptoms caused by lack of internet for one whole week. Are you getting the picture? Surely everyone who laid eyes on me must have fallen in deep love with me. If I had commanded them to jump into a Bottomless Pit they would certainly have followed suit. I’m happy the train driver didn’t meet me or there would very likely have been an accident where everybody except me would have died. Oh, maybe I should note that I haven’t shaved for several days so I’m sporting the “I haven’t shaved for several days look” very successfully.

As I said in the beginning, it’s almost unbearable, I’m so cool. I hope I have brought you this feeling a little closer. My girlfriend fell asleep, it was too exciting sitting next to me, I assume. I don’t want to bring this sad fate upon you so I suggest you undertake a few other endeavours to bridge the horrible time frame between two of my articles. For example, you could count how many times the word “I” occurred in this piece of art. If you have not yet found out about or believed the incredible power and force of this word when referring to me I suggest you go ahead and count and add a prayer for every mentioning.

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* The Chinese calendar is in the prosperous year of the Pig. Saying “March 13 of the Year of the Pig” is therefore, in fact, absolutely and miserably wrong as there is no such thing as March 13 in the Chinese Calendar. Or at least it’s not on the March 13 that we know as March 13. It’s a complicated matter and that’s why I couldn’t be bothered to look anything about it up. There, you’ve learnt something today. Maybe.

# Just for the record I would like to state that this keyboard and I are not friends. I’m writing on my girlfriend’s laptop which has the German version of keyboard software. Contrary to popular ignorance of the subject the Swiss and the German keyboard software and button layouts are quite extraordinarily different from each other. So I can’t for the world write a normal sentence without a typo. Be damned, keyboard!